


Firsts

by selfindulgentstorytelling



Series: Despite What You've Been Told [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Coming Out, FTM Dave, Fluff, M/M, Plot, Trans Dave, davekat - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 19:00:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6483328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selfindulgentstorytelling/pseuds/selfindulgentstorytelling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You glanced down at his sleeping face, and on a whim, brushed your fingers through his hair. Soft. Incredibly soft, considering how tangled it was. Very careful not to get caught, you pulled your fingers out of his hair and sighed. In the inhale you caught that smell - spice and sweat and that dash of just, Karkat-ness. You heart hit your rib cage and you realized, slowly, what was happening. It was like that moment when you pull yourself up out of a deep pool, no ground to push up from, just using the strength of your arms to lift yourself out of water. Gravity wanted to pull you back in - it would be easier, simpler to just pretend you’d never noticed these feelings.<br/>You took a deep breath, and got that smell again. That was it. You were out of the pool, flopping on the cold tiles of love like a dead fish.<br/>Fuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Firsts

**Author's Note:**

> This is the full fic that was born out of the Kissing Karkat scene.  
> I hope you enjoy it! All comments are welcome, I love to hear about how I can improve or see how the story has effected you.  
> I've decided to leave this a stand alone fic for now, how ever all my Davekat one off's will be a part of this same series, thus the name change

When you first set foot on the meteor, you didn’t know what you were expecting. From the exotic language the trolls used, you had imaged them as vaguely cockroach-y at best. You hadn’t expected them to look so human, just grey skin and colorful horns to break the illusion. They were a little lankier than humans too, their limbs a little longer when compared to the rest of their bodies. Even Karkat, who was the same height as you, small compared to the other trolls, looked awkwardly long in the arms by human standards. The roundness of his face did nothing to counteract this, since the baggy sweater concealed most of his form.  
The first time you saw Karkat, you noticed how tense he held himself, always coiled defensively. The way he avoided eye contact by looking at your forehead or to your left. You felt his fear and anger and self loathing in every small mannerism. It struck you as one of those sad things in life that were not meant to be acknowledged, and you did your best not to acknowledge it.

The first time you argued with Karkat, about 10 minutes later, you found yourself half laughing at his sheer intensity. You wondered how he could possibly have the energy to keep screaming like that, with such pure and genuine drama that it was amazing he did not break down laughing himself. Not that it was particularly funny the he was upset, but because it was almost like an act. Like it was on purpose, “maybe if I’m ridiculous they won’t look at me too closely”, a defensive instinct. But that was his business and you weren’t going to go snooping too hard. Instead you just enjoyed the effect.  
You found yourself appreciating the nuance of it. The subtlety of his shield. You wondered if any of his friends had yet to see past it.

The first time you saw Karkat cry, you had stumbled upon him crying in the room he had been using as his ‘hive’ or whatever they called it. Pink tears smeared down his face and he bristled when he heard you approach, stiffening like a deer in headlights. He blinked up at you, a moment passing in silence before he growled.  
“What do you want Strider?” He accused, wiping his eyes. “The last fucking thing I need right now is you pouncing about being an insufferable prick. I do that well enough for my goddamn self thanks.”  
You didn’t ask him why he was crying. You knew he wouldn’t tell you, and anything you said would come out wrong. Damn your douchey charms. Instead you just sat down beside him and said nothing, just sat with him. Minutes passed in silence, tense as he waited for you to say something cruel. You kinda hated yourself for giving him that expectation.  
“Aren't you gonna mock me dickass?” He broke tension and your felt yourself wince a little. Thank god for the shades hiding most of your face.  
“Jesus fuck bro can't you just let a guy keep you company?” Your words came out harder than you'd wanted them too, defensive.  
He blinked up at you, opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, a feeling of understanding passing between you. Huh. Who'd have thought Karkat would be at a loss for words.  
A few minutes passed, this time the quiet comfortable. Slowly, carefully as if he was expecting you to pull away at any moment, he lowered his head down on to your shoulder. You tensed a little when he moved, instinct, but you let him lean into you. Silence was enough, in this moment. Silence with Karkat was a rare thing. In that silence, you heard his breathing slow, the occasional reluctant sniff breaking the air. You noticed how warm he was, how soft as he slowly relaxed against you, each breath letting out a little more tension. A few more minutes passed, leaning against the wall of that room, huddled together on the floor, before you heard a soft snore. You looked down at Karkat, surprised. You didn’t move though. In fact you sat there for hours, letting him sleep and trying not to think about the smell of his hair.

In those few hours you felt the most sincerely calm and peaceful you had ever felt in your life. Your heart was still pounding in your chest, but it wasn’t the adrenaline pumping anxiety you had come to be familiar with. No, this was different. This was something you’d never really felt before. You glanced down at his sleeping face, and on a whim, brushed your fingers through his hair. Soft. Incredibly soft, considering how tangled it was. Very careful not to get caught in it, you pulled your fingers out of his hair and sighed. In the inhale you caught that smell - spice and sweat and that dash of just... Karkat-ness. You heart hit your rib cage and you realized, slowly, what was happening. It was like that moment when you pull yourself up out of a deep pool, no ground to push up from, just using the strength of your arms to lift yourself out of water. Gravity wanted to pull you back in - it would be easier, simpler to just pretend you’d never noticed these feelings.  
You took a deep breath, and got that smell again. That was it. You were out of the pool, flopping on the cold dirty pool tile of love like a dying fish.  
Fuck.

Eventually, he woke up, breaking the spell. You were sore, sure, but the look of sheer and utter horror with himself he had on his face for sleeping on you made it worth it.  
“What the fuck Strider?” His voice was thick with sleep, not carrying the punch you were sure he intended. “You just let me curl up like a fucking grub and…” He couldn’t think of anything to say and so just stood with a huff and rubbed at his eyes. Adorable.  
You tilted your head sideways and looked up at him, letting a hint of a smile play at your lips. “You were so fucking cute with your mouth shut that I didn’t wanna break the magic.”  
He bristled, eyes narrowing.  
“Don’t fucking do that fake hate flirting bullshit you humans do!” His voice was gaining volume now, all the sleep gone from it. “I don’t fucking need your quadrant confused ass running around in my think-pan knocking shit down and burning rule books.”  
You stood up slowly, ignoring the rest of his rant. He looked so just… Karkat. Short, angry, innocent Karkat. A smirk crossed your face before you could stop it as you formed your plan.  
“Don’t you fucking smirk at me Strider, that goddamn crapshoot you call a mouth doesn’t fucking- ”  
You stepped a little closer, cutting off his words, just close enough to remind him that you were just snuggling. Walking out the doorway, you paused to look over your shoulder at him, still shouting some denial ridden nonsense with his face growing redder. Whether it was in embarrassment or anger was hard to tell.  
“It’s not hate flirting if I’m not black for you.” You delivered with all the drama and inflection of one of his shitty romcoms.  
Then you walked down the hall, heart pounding, the sound of Karkat screaming about vague asshole douchery echoing behind you.

Despite his initial protests, contact came easier between you after that. You didn't really discuss it, or what it meant. You could see Karkat was dying to analyse it, stick it in one of his perfect little romance boxes, and every time he tried you deflected the conversation.  
You made a point of sitting near each other when you could, leaning on each other casually. You got looks from Rose of course. Her knowing smirks were profoundly annoying, but she made no attempt to broach the subject with you. You thanked her for that, though silently. You weren’t ready to talk to anyone about the strange bond you were forming with him, least of all her. Being psychoanalyzed didn’t sound like a very productive way of handling it.  
You found yourself making a game of winking at Karkat while he was ranting, seeing if he would notice beneath your glasses. You wanted to see if you could make him go even redder. You achieved that goal, most times, and occasionally you could even get him so flustered that he stopped shouting completely.  
You still argued of course, for the sport of it. You couldn't help yourself - he looked so fucking adorable when he was shouting, and more than once you found yourself thinking about several fun ways to shut him up.

 

One night, you found yourselves alone on the meteor, watching one of Karkat's shitty romcoms. He had talked you into it, though honestly, you had nothing else to do and the thought of spending an evening with Karkat made your heart race.  
You tried not to overthink it as you walked to the room you were meeting him in, not wanting to ruin your cool guy image. If he thought you were nervous, you would never hear the end of it. _Don’t think about it, Strider. Don’t think about how soft his hair is or how cute it is when he gets wrapped up in the characters or the way he looks when he’s trying not to cry at the end…_  
That wasn’t working. You took a deep breath before opening the door, fixing your face into a stoic mask, and walked in.

Karkat was sitting on the floor, facing away from you, shuffling through his alchemized DVD collection. You didn’t ask him how long he had spent trying to get the code for troll The Notebook (or whatever the fuck he called it). The only light came from the TV, which was blank and blue at the moment. When he heard the door open he turned to look at you, his face softening a little when he realised it was in fact you.  
“Oh, hey strider.” He voice was so rough even when he spoke casually, years of shouting wearing it down.  
“What are we watching? Troll Will Smith in This-couple-refuses-to-communicate-and-as-a-result-they-have-hilarious-and-heart-wrenching-misunderstandings?” You tried to keep your tone casual and uninterested, as if your heart wasn’t threatening to give your rib cage a beat down.  
“Shut up!” He snapped, sticking a DVD into the machine. “If your gonna fucking wave your mouth flaps the whole goddamn time- ”  
“Dude I’m cool. It's a joke. I am so here for shitty romcom night. You’ll have my full attention.” You kicked yourself a little for rambling. _How fucking obvious could you be Strider? You have my ‘full attention’? Might as well announce yourself erect and prepare for mount._  
“Good.” He interrupted your internal monologue, sitting himself down on the couch. “You gonna fucking watch from the doorway like a moron or what?” You realized you were still standing near the door and kicked yourself again.  
You sat down on the couch next to him, leaving a hands width between you. You had sat closer before, but you weren't sure you wanted to jump out the gate with a full on snuggle fest. You had a plan.  
He hit play, already starting to explain the movie as the opening credits started. You smiled a little to yourself, knowing he’d go silent the moment the real movie started.  
Quite fell, and you sat beside him with your heart racing, wondering how you were ever gonna pull this off. Twenty minutes passed before you convinced yourself that it would be okay if you rested your head on his shoulder, even though you’d done it before. Twenty more before you shuffled to close the space between you. Karkat didn’t react much, eyes intent on the crappy drama of the movie, but you could feel him relax with you.  
It was the halfway point in the movie, and you took a deep breath, knowing it was now or never. No point in doing it with only a little time left. What were you so worried about anyway? You’d cuddled before, it wasn’t like he was gonna dump you on the floor… unless of course he did.  
You shuffled a little, then a lot, until you moved so you were resting your head on Karkat's lap. His legs were the single most comfortable pillow you’d ever experienced, and you prayed he would not push you off of it.  
A few tense seconds passed.  
“Dave?” Karkat broke the silence and you looked up to see him glaring down at you. Fuck. “How the fuck are you seeing the movie if you have those stupid fucking douche kid beefcake sunglasses on?”  
Oh. You almost laughed in relief. Admittedly, you hadn’t really been seeing much of the movie. The movie hadn’t really be you point of focus for this night.  
“I just thought all the characters were supposed to be dark grey blurs.” You turned back to the tv, “If it bothers you so much, I’ll take them off.” You tried to look casual as you slipped the glasses off your face, folding them up carefully and setting them out of stepping distance. You almost never took those glasses off. They were your shield. But it was dark, and watching a movie with grey blurs was getting kind of confusing. And, a small part of your brain whispered, you didn't really feel like you needed them around Karkat.  
Karkat didn’t say anything, already focused on the movie again. Or maybe he was just acknowledging that you didn’t want this thing that was obviously a big deal to be a big deal.  
A few minutes later you felt Karkat's hands in your hair, playing with it almost absentmindedly. It felt nice. Comforting, somehow. You wondered if anyone had ever played with your hair before, and you decided that you liked it.

Eventually, the movie ended, the protagonist couple kissing as the credits rolled, all their quadrants conveniently sorted out in two hours or less. You looked up at Karkat, and there it was, that look of sheer determination not to cry even as his eyes started to well up. You think it’s probably your favorite look.  
And then the light turned on.  
There was this brief moment, Karkat looking down on your naked face, confused by the light as well. Then the _HOLY FUCK OW_ hit your eyes. You rolled off Karkat's lap on to the floor, covering your aching eyes with one arm and swearing while you groped for your shades.  
“Oh My Goddness, I Am Sorry To Have Interrupted Your Evening.” Kanaya’s voice came from the doorway. “I Simply Came In To Find Something For Rose And I To Watch. I Was Not Aware This Room Was Occupied.” You could hear the smirk in her voice though and swore again. A hand touched your shoulder and you jumped a little, still blind.  
“Here dickass.” Karkat put your shades into your hand, the gesture a lot more gentle than his words betrayed. You put them back on, opening your eyes slowly to adjust to the light.  
“I’ll Be On My Way Then, If You’ll Excuse Me.” Kanaya walked out and down the hall before Karkat could shout anything in her direction, and you blushed a little knowing what she probably thought she’d interrupted. You collected yourself and sat down by Karkat again, who was holding himself somewhat awkwardly, not really sure what to do now.  
“She seem a little off to you?” He asked. “I mean more off than she usually does.”  
You huffed a little, trying to say it like it was obvious and not mortifying, “She thought she’s interrupted a date bro. She was just relieved not to have walked in on mad smooches.” _Oh my GOD Dave why did you not stop talking after ‘date’?_  
“A date?” His voice hitched in that way it does when he’s about to get really worked up, and you were grateful to have your face masked again. What if the thought disgusted him? What if he was about to call this whole thing off right now? “Why would she - what made her -” He stumbled over his words, and you realized with some relief that he felt just as embarrassed about it as you did. “I guess would wouldn’t be a totally moronic assumption.” He finished, looking down at his lap. You turned to face him, able to see the redness in his cheeks even though the tint of your glasses.  
“Not completely.” You replied, trying to think of some way to make this smooth. You couldn’t stand it if one of you were to ask ‘is it a date?’ You weren’t about to have that trope on your record. No one was gonna get Dave Strider to reply ‘if you want it to be.’ Not Happening.  
So instead you settled for a couple seconds of awkward silence.  
“Dave, is it -”  
_Nope, you were not fucking doing this worn out scene._ The sheer power of your refusal gave you the ass kick you needed to do what you did next.  
You moved in closer to him, put your hand against his warm, red cheek, and just fucking asked,  
“Can I kiss you?”  
Karkat turned a shade you had never seen before. A deep, ruby red under his grey skin, heating up against your fingertips like a wildfire. He stuttered for a few moments, looking everywhere but at your face. Panic started to swell in your throat. There was no taking this back, no unfucking this situation.  
“Sorry dude never mind I just -” You started, when his lips crashed against yours. Karkat kissed almost angrily, with a sort of defensiveness, as if he expected you to reject him at any second so he held back from really getting into it.  
You did your best to reassure him that you had no intentions of ever stopping.

That first time making out was easy. It was slow, carefully wandering lips brushing over shy smiles, fingertips exploring warm skin. Kissing Karkat came as easy to you as breath, felt as natural and right as anything. There was a hunger below the surface, a tightness in your belly that urged you to move forward, move faster. You ignored it in favor of savoring the feeling of him. His lips were soft as paintbrushes, tickling down your neck as he moved beneath you, drawing a moan from your lips. He grinned up at you, a look of smug satisfaction that looked so very good on him on his face.  
“That’s the first I’ve heard you react, Strider.” He pulled you down by the back of your neck, taking your earlobe between his sharp teeth. He played with it gently while he spoke, sending warm shivers down your neck. “I wonder what other fun noises you can make.” You almost felt yourself blush at that, then growled, pinning his arms above his head.  
“Not nearly as many as you.” You retorted, then leaned down rest your lips against his neck. You bared your teeth over the side of it, so he could feel the hard edge, then waited. Waited and noted how warm his skin was, waited for him to object. No objection came, and as you scrape your teeth across his salty skin, his breath became faster and heavier. “Can I bite down?” You whispered against his skin, making sure your lips would just brush against him. He nodded quickly, and you could feel the bright red blush warming beneath his skin. You bit into his neck, gently but intently, careful not to squeeze to hard or too fast. He let out a whimper, a cute, innocent little sound, and you bit a little harder just to hear it again. You let go and kissed the place between your teeth marks, then kissed up his face, and then you were kissing his lips again. God, you were kissing Karkat. Karkat, who felt everything with such passion that he screamed it; Karkat who hid behind his tantrums the way you hid behind your cool guy facade; Karkat who hated himself much much more than he could ever hate anyone else; Karkat, your Karkat, and finally you had him in you arms.  
Finally, you had him sliding his hands up the back of your shirt. Carefully, slowly he dragged a nail down your back, retribution for the bite. You growled and arched against it, lip curling with pleasure. He reached higher this time, and his hands brushed against the fabric of your binder. Dread knotted in your stomach with he looked up at you in confusion.  
“Uh, Dave. What the fuck is this?” He didn’t sound disgusted, just confused. He had to find out sometime. now seemed like the time. You pulled off your shirt, straddling his legs as he sat up to look at you, still bewildered.  
“Its a binder dude.” You tried to sound cool, confident, even though your voice shook. _Trolls didn’t have any concept of transness, do they?_ You wondered, _How the fuck am I gonna explain this._ “It holds down my tits.” Wow Strider, great job. Really fucking clear now isn’t it.  
“Why?” His voice was bewildered, maybe even amused, but it didn’t sound angry. At least that’s something. You took a deep breath.  
“Because having them sucks. They made people treat me different, treat me like something I wasn’t. Humans are really strict about biology and think that these different parts somehow have attached inherent traits, and the traits attached to my tata’s weren’t ones I wanted.” You looked away from him, not wanting to meet his eyes and see disgust and confusion.  
The brief pause before he spoke again felt like a million years.  
“I never understood human gender crapshit anyway.” He said, wrapping his arms around your waist. You blinked down at him, surprised to see him smiling at you. “What the fuck difference does it make if you have flesh globes? You’re still an insufferable prick.” You flicked one of his horns, drawing an involuntary growl from the troll.  
"But I’m your insufferable prick.” The words were out of your mouth before you could stop them, but Karkat’s only reaction was to close the distance between you and take your lower lip between his teeth.  
And then you were kissing again.


End file.
